TARA

In this insightful video, Tara Brabbison addresses a pressing contemporary issue: the impact of others’ apparent confidence on our own self-perception, especially in the era of social media. Inspired by a viewer’s request about managing feelings of underconfidence amid the overwhelming confidence displayed online, Tara explores concepts from sociology, psychology, and emerging literature on self-curation to provide a comprehensive framework for understanding and navigating this challenge. Central to the discussion is Irving Goffman’s seminal theory of “front stage” and “backstage” behavior, which Tara applies to social media to explain how many people’s confident personas are often constructed, performative, and reliant on audience validation. This creates confusion and underconfidence in observers who struggle to discern the authenticity of these displays.

Tara then introduces the emerging concept of “curation of the self,” which promotes intentional, mindful decision-making about what aspects of ourselves we cultivate, share, or withhold. This approach counters harmful social media comparison by encouraging us to stop measuring our inner reality against others’ curated outward appearances. The video culminates with five practical, actionable strategies to help viewers center themselves, set strong boundaries between personal and professional life, and regain control over their social media engagement. These strategies emphasize selective platform use, prioritizing purposeful sharing (push media), protecting personal boundaries, elevating the quality of what is shared, and strictly separating social media from productive work time.

Ultimately, Tara advocates for a dispassionate, self-compassionate stance that values genuine self-care over performative confidence, empowering viewers to reclaim their sense of worth independent of others’ curated performances.

Highlights

• 🌟 Explores the disconnect between others’ apparent confidence and our own feelings of underconfidence.

• 📱 Applies Irving Goffman’s “front stage” and “backstage” sociological framework to social media behavior.

• 🔍 Introduces the concept of “curation of the self” as a mindful alternative to harmful social comparison.

• ✋ Emphasizes setting clear personal and professional boundaries in digital and real life.

• 📵 Strong recommendation to separate social media use from productive work time for mental clarity.

• 🎯 Offers five practical, decision-based strategies to regain control over social media engagement.

• 💡 Advocates for self-acceptance, focusing on personal excellence, and rejecting the illusion of constant performance.

Key Insights

• 🎭 The Front Stage-Backstage Dichotomy on Social Media: Tara revisits Irving Goffman’s theory, explaining how people perform “front stage” behaviors publicly, presenting idealized versions of themselves especially on platforms like Instagram and LinkedIn. These performances are carefully curated and rely heavily on audience validation (likes, comments) to feel “real.” Meanwhile, the “backstage” – where people are authentic and resolve internal contradictions – is increasingly blurred as some backstage behaviors leak into front stage performances without resolution, causing confusion for observers. This insight helps explain why social media confidence can feel both fake and overwhelming, contributing to others’ underconfidence.

• 🔄 The Problem of Comparing Our Insides to Others’ Outsides: Building on Gail Golden’s work, Tara highlights the cardinal mistake people make: comparing their internal struggles to the polished external images others project online. This comparison is toxic and fosters feelings of inadequacy. The concept of “curation of the self” directly addresses this by encouraging individuals to focus on their own values and boundaries rather than external validation. This reframing is critical to cultivating healthier self-esteem in a digital age.

• 🛡️ Curation as a Protective and Empowering Practice:Curation is not about influencer culture or content creation but about “taking care” – selectively filtering what we allow into our lives and what we share. This involves making active decisions about what to accept, reject, or pursue with excellence. Accepting mediocrity in some areas and saying “no” to others frees up space and energy for what truly matters. This practice protects mental health and supports authentic living.

• 🎯 Five Strategic Decisions for Digital Wellbeing: Tara’s five strategies are grounded in practical wisdom:

1. Recognize that social media platforms differ and choose them selectively for personal or professional use.

2. Focus on “push media” (sharing your work or thoughts intentionally) rather than “pull media” (passively consuming endless scrolling content).

3. Strengthen personal and professional boundaries to avoid oversharing and maintain privacy.

4. Elevate the standard of what you share, sharing only what is truly meaningful or valuable.

5. Keep social media off during work hours to reduce distractions and maintain focus.
   Implementing these decisions can radically improve how one engages online and reduce the negative impact of others’ performative confidence.

• 🤝 Audience Complicity in Social Media Performance: Tara points out that the audience plays a vital role in sustaining the illusion of confidence on social media through their engagement. This complicity means that the underconfidence of viewers is partly a product of their own validation of others’ front stage performances. Recognizing this dynamic empowers individuals to disengage from unhelpful comparisons and approach social media more critically.

• 💭 Philosophical Reflection on Human Significance: The video encourages a humbling perspective with quotes like “Would the world notice if you didn’t exist?” and “We live, we die, our stuff ends up in a skip.” This perspective helps recalibrate the ego’s need for constant validation and encourages living quietly and meaningfully, free from the pressure to perform for others.

• 💡 The Role of Compassionate Inquiry: Summoning Gabor Maté’s concept of “compassionate inquiry,” Tara emphasizes the importance of self-reflection—asking why we think and feel the way we do—to better understand our patterns and ultimately return to our authentic selves. This process is foundational to effective curation and mental wellbeing.

Conclusion

Tara Brabbison’s video offers a nuanced, deeply researched perspective on confidence, self-worth, and social media in the modern world. By integrating classic sociological theory with contemporary digital culture and emerging psychological insights, she equips viewers to better understand the performative nature of online confidence and its impact on their own self-esteem. Her introduction of “curation of the self” as a counterbalance to toxic comparison provides a hopeful and practical framework for reclaiming agency over one’s identity and mental health. The actionable strategies Tara provides are valuable tools for anyone seeking to navigate the digital landscape with integrity, intentionality, and self-respect.